A Song Unsung

Have you ever just reached a point where you just need to make a decision. This morning I did. Will I follow my dream or not. Will I continue to live the life that has unfolded and keeps unfolding in front of me, which I do love so greatly. Though it consists of my Everythings (family is so important to me) it doesnt have EVERYTHING that I want in it just yet. It doesn’t have me spilling words on paper, releasing poems and stories from my head regularly. And so they sit up there, muffled, gathering cobb webbs…poking each other in boredom.  I have sat down to write so many times this past month, and yet the time has been absorbed. So many endless things stealing it away. Or perhaps the correct way of phrasing it is that I’ve given my time away. In some cases, so easily. Too easily. And so I sat today, at a very inconvienient time, to write this. Because I need to. I need to write for me. And so I am. And this is what I needed to tell myself.

A Song Unsung

A thousand ghosts dance around me
I watch them flow freely
fluttering birds
They live unafraid
boundless and free
Each one a door I’ve left unopened

Yet I watch them from this life
Small and unheard
Living in a shell that beats
with stubburn tempo
And I hear a whispered promise
…Just fall…
…Just fall…
…Just fall…

Is my dream strong enough to catch me?
My fear tightens grip
Lungs restricted
A song unsung
A melody that purrs no greater than a hum
My book unwriten, my message unheard
My ghosts they dance
A universe away
Just beyond my fingertips

A song unsung
A tune unheard
A message lost
With fear that blurred
My purpose yet unlived
Lost in day to day
An endless string I follow

Will my ghosts live beyond me?
Their fruits bared just beyond
where my roots are laid
I hear my song
an echo left unsaved
My song unsung
A tune only ghosts have played

Liebster Award

Thank you“Respectable Married Woman” AND “Who I Am Today” for the nomination. Please do check out their blogs. Both have such beautiful, thought-provoking and inspirational messages. I highly encourage it! I am also deeply appreciative that they thought of me AND have so gracisouly given me time to respond. It has been faaaaar to long for my response to the point where it has become rude, and I apologize.I could give excuses but I won’t. I just humbly ask for your forgiveness and thank you so kindly again for thinking of me. Here are the rules, pleaseI copy paste them.

1. Thank the blogger who nominated you

2. Display the award on your blog

3. Answer a set of 11 questions provided from the blogger that you were nominated by

4. Nominate 11 bloggers, each with under 200 followers

5. Create your own set of questions for your nominations to answer

So here we go! I will start with Respectable Married Woman’s questions. 🙂

1.What would you do if you had ten million dollars/pounds/rupees etc?  Oh boy…million dollars, how nice..pay off debt. Gosh that would be AWESOME!! Pay off family debt so that my siblings and parents could breathe too. And finally, probably invest…as boring as that sounds…it would be amazing to create some solid income somewhere so that my hubby and I could both pursue our passions and not HAVE to work…can you imagine?!

2. Rate the following qualities/attributes , that you look for in a relationship or a partner(ascending order)

mental/intellectual stimulation and understanding   (2)

emotional understanding  (1)

physical compatibility or attractiveness (3)     

3. top 5 places to visit or vacation

Sweden, France, Germany, Ireland and Scotland   

4. What is religion(not god) according to you? Religion is the constructs created as a guide to connect with the devine. However noted I believe it is man made, and therefore vulnerable to corruption and misinterpretation. My ‘religion’ is important to me but only because it gives me guidance to connect with others and the divine.

5. Would you call yourself  more analytical or creative, give reasons?  Creative overall, I love immersing myself in stories and art…thats my happy place, but analytical is fun. That is my training (psychotherapist) to use my analytical mind and it feels liberating to explore that part of me as well.

6. If you could change one aspect of your life overnight, but have to give up ten years of your life, would you do it and if, yes, then what would it be? No, I like my life…I would like to live those 10 extra years in it as it is. 🙂

7. Do you believe in the supernatural, magic, or however, you want to call it?  I think writing and reading is a bit of proof that magic exists. 🙂 It allows two people who have never met to feel connected and share an experience even though they are seperated by space and time.

8. Three random facts about you, that we don’t know already     1)  I used to be a semi-professional artist  2) I have kissed the rocks of Stonehedge  3)  My high school mascot was a purple hornet. How unintimidated can you get? 🙂

9. How would you like to be perceived by others?   Wise, open minded and approachable

10. Tell us the funniest thing you ever heard or read about    Trump is the Republican Nominee…hilar
11.Do you like, doing these award nomination Q/A, why?   Yeah, its fun to read other peoples answers and to answer random questions. 🙂 Thanks again for thinking of me!
says:

Who I Am Today

Who is your doppelganger?  
  Ive been told Drew Barrymore is pretty close
If you could have one super power, what would it be? 
  Flying probably, that’d be awesome.
If you were stranded on a deserted island and could only have 3 things, what would they be?
  An axe, first aid kit and a fishing pole if Im being practical….but if I could have annyyything, can I ask for a cell phone, a working boat and a captain?
What is the one thing you could never give up on?
  My child
What is your biggest pet-peeve?
  Condesending remarks
What is your favorite childhood memory?
  Fourth of July parades at my grandparents beach house…fireworks, cute boys, the world at my fingertips…so fun.
What is your dream vacation? 
  Hmmm….A lodge, near a lake and/or mountains…with nature around me to just read and write….
What is the hardest decision you have ever had to make? 
  To probably pause my career to be a stay at home mom…hardest and easiest decision in some ways.
What is the best decision you have ever made? 
  So far staying home, marrying my husband…and following him to Wisconsin. The struggle is I have a strong part of me that is a liberated feminist, but Ive led a pretty traditional life thus far…but I enjoy it, so I try to remind my feminist that if she is fighting for my happiness than shes winning! 🙂
What qualities in a person do you most admire? 
  Quick to listen slow to speak, innovative thinker and leadership skills
What are you most afraid of?
  Being percieved as foolish, not succeeding at accomplishing my dreams, not being a good enough mom and house centipeds…EEK!

Thank you agggaainn for thining of me Who I Am Today

AGAIN, check out their blogs!  They are awesome….

Okay, my nominations

truelyunplugged  
Marianne @ Along The Side Of The Road
theworldisnotagainstme
estoebick

And my questions…

1) What do you think your purpose and/or gift is in this life? (BOOM! Starting off heavy!)
2) Best piece of advice you have ever gotten?
3) Best lesson learned?
4) Best advice you have ever given someone?
5) What is something that always makes you laugh?
6) What do you think has the power to change the world for the better?
7) What makes you feel loved?
8) If you had three wishes granted, what would you ask for?
9) Favorite book/book series?
10) If you were President for a day, what would be some of your first orders of action?
11) Favorite movie?

Thanks again Respectable Married Woman and WhoIAmToday for thinking of me!

Telepathy and other truths..

I remember holding his hand to my face, soaking in his scent, trying to hold onto that moment as long as it would let me. The nurse was waiting in the hall and I knew my mother, my uncle and my grandmother wanted some privacy to say a final goodbye. So my moment with him started to fade and then quickly let me go. I placed his hand on his chest and stroked his cheek. It had grown pale, on the other side his face pink as the blood had already started to pool. He was gone. Such a foreign concept. My grandfather had died, just now, in front of me. He had left. He was alive and now he wasnt. My head swirled trying to comprehend what that meant as I exited the room and sat in the hallway.

Grief is powerful. A pungent aching that clearly reflects the piece of you that was really them is gone. Just as blood pumps through your viens carrying oxygen to your heart your loved one’s energy carries oxygen to your soul. And when either are restricted it can leave you feeling crippled and in agonizing pain.

This, really, is quite a large concept to grasp if you sit and ponder it. If we are merely mechanics..an evolutionary wonder of lungs, eyes, toes, brain, heart, ect..with the anomaly of conscousness spontaneously occuring when the mechanics begin to work in unison, how is it that we ache when another collection of mechanics stops working? If we start and end with just ourself, why are we affected when another isn’t a part of our life?

And even if we say that we are the most advancely evolved (whatever that means), why do other animals do this too? Elephants, for example, also bury their dead. Dogs sit by their owners for hours, even days, after a death has occured. Why does this happen? Why are we so emotionally invested in others if we truly operate completely seperate of them? Why are we naturally relational beings if there is no need for our surivival from it. If my neighbor eats an apple, it will not nourish my body, so why do I care if they are in my life?

This may sound rediculous, and maybe somewhat obvious, but if we aknowledge that yes others affect us even if we do not need them for our body to surivive, are we not then aknowledging that we need more than fuel for our mechanics? That perhaps we indeed have (for lack of a better word) souls, a spirit, a mind, a consciense, intuitive self…whatever that term is you use to refer to it, but for this post I will refer to it as a soul. And if we all have souls, aren’t we also aknowledging that we are bigger, greater, more complicated than our b\odies represent?

So, if we are bigger than our bodies represent, then we need noursihment that is greater than our bodies. Which makes sense. It is scientifically proven that stress affects our health. Why is that? Why would an emotion affect our body? And vise versa, when we are in love we are more energetic, more alert..etc.

We must feed our soul so that our body is in its greatest health. And what’s even more interesting is that our soul and body not only are intertwined but that they are seperate identities. It is possible to be in good health yet also be in emotional agony, just as it is possible to be in poor health but feel positive and hopeful. It is just harder to achieve, and may need to take more nourishment of one or the other to begin to rebalance the the soul with the body.

But because we are humans, we tend to believe in the concrete. The measurable. The tangible, however obvious the intangible may be.

There is a study titled ‘Conscious Brain-to-Briain Communication in Humans using Non-Invasive Tehcnologies’. I’ve included the link below in case you would like to read the full article. In essence, it is study about telepathy. Two scientists, thousands of miles apart, scientifically created a scenario where they could measure and provide proof of telephatic communication between two men, on different parts of the earth.

Their experiement proved successful.

Yes, they did create documented proof of a two word message sent telepathically.

And this is not new information as well. Technology has been harnessing the energy of thought, that extra part of all of us, to communicate with things such as artificial limbs and robots already.

The extra, the soul, the spirit in all of us, previously deemed intangible, has such great substance to it that it is now being harnessed and redirecting the way technology is created.

This unmeasurable part of our selves, greater than our mechanics, is becoming measurable…quickly.

So this leads me to my next thought. If we all are greater than our bodies, the illusion that our mechanics are where we start an end…than we are all truly endless beings.

And if we are all endless, then we are all one.

So I implore you to consider that perhaps the reason we grieve so profoundly for our loved ones passing is because they were a main nourshing source for our soul. Just as we would be devasted at the loss of our main water source for fear of dehydration of our body.

But a drought does not just affect those directly in it.

If you are endless and nourish my soul, then I am endless and nourish yours, even if we do not physically know each other. And how we take care of our souls will affect each other.

Because just as our body is negatively impacted and sometimes irriversibly impaired by injesting poison or being deeply cut, our soul is negatively impacted by toxic relationships or cut downs by others. And just as our bodies are energized and fueled freshly grown food and water, our soul thrives when we allow ourselves to connect through grace, love and compassion.

We are all endless. We are all one.

Race, religion, weight, sexual orientation, gender, political beliefs…all are illusions of seperations from one another. If you are hurt, so am I. If I am loved, so are you. We are all connected, because we are greater…much, much greater…than our mechanics.

—————————————————————————————————————————————–
‘Consious Brain-to-Brain Communication in Humans using Non-Invasive Technologies’
http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0105225
(the picture from this post is also taken from this study)

Lightning Shine

Sometimes when I want to hear the words of inspiration, I need to write them. And if they truly want to get me fueled up, they come out in poetic form. So you may have noticed the poems lately as a different writing process. I am an observer just as you. This poem woke me up last night. So in order to sleep I wrote it down. I think my subconscious is feeling electrified from all the writing. So, I sit back, let creativity run its course, and thank you again for your role as an audience. It has given me a sense of voice that is so empowering. I believe allowing yourself to feel inspiried is a form of self-love. And people who love themselves have more love to give others. So thank you for helping me love myself greater, so that I may love you greater as well.

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what your thoughts and how your inspriation comes to you as well!

I watched lightning hit my window

my fingerprints burned into glass

It shattered there before me

Taking with it my happy mask

The empty payne stood mocking

My empty pain understood

This window wasn’t for watching

It was keeping me in the should

Freedom roared in the windstorm

Fear crawled under my bed

This was a conscious choice I was making

I was getting out of my head

And so this new world bestowed to me

No room for shackles that confine

I was growing greater inside of me

Guilt and shame no longer collide

The lightning again it found me

Through my vein it flows and resides

So I walk forth with glowing trajectory

With each step my lightning then shines

Sunshine Blogger Award

image

Wow. A HUGE thank you to theworldisnotagainstme for the nomination for the Sunshine Bloger Award. I feel so honored that you considered me enough to nominate me for this. It is truly moving.

I had this thought once. What if the afterlife isn’t necessarily a place, but an experience where you have to live for eternity experiencing the emotions you made others feel in this lifetime? So you see, if that were even a little bit true, being nominated for a Sunshine Blogger Award because I made someone else feel good is a pretty big deal.
So heres the rules (make sure to post the rules again if you are nominated):

Thank the person who nominated you in the blog post.
Answer the 11 questions set by the person who nominated you.
Nominate 11 blogs to receive the award and write them 11 new questions to answer.
So, here we go.

Favourite song?
Hmmmm, well I really do love Poison & Wine (but really anything by them) by THe Civil Wars and Legions/We Insist/Sun will Set (and again, really anything) by Zoe Keating. But music is beautiful (the kind performed by talented people with creativity flowing through them) so depending on my mood, my favorite song can change. 🙂

Most embarrassing moment?
Oh boy….well, unfortunately there isnt a most, because their are many…but one that pops to mind quickly is the time that I was having dinner at my husband’s coworker’s house. And it was delicous. So I over ate, of course. Which, cause and effect, resulted in me needing to use the restroom. One thing led to another, and I felt so much better..but the toilet had taken a beating. I flushed, the toilet swirled. Then gurgled. Then stopped…and the water began to rise…and rise…and rise. Frantically, and I mean FRANTICALLY I looked for a plunger. People…There. Was. No. PLUNGER!

Side Note: This is a rule I feel everyone should live by, every bathroom should have a plunger. This is just setting guests up for a nightmere if you dont. Please, be kind, provide a plunger.

So anyways, you guessed it, the water continued to rise and my heart continued to sink. I watched in silence as the water began to pour onto their beautiful bathroom floor. Then, I panicked. I grabbed all the towels I could, not realizing at the time that they were the fancy, put out when we have company, towels. So, I threw his nicest towels around the toilet and watched in horror as I realized they were not enough.

Sigh…and unfortunately the story isn’t finished yet….

I thought for a few moments. Realized there was no way I couldnt tell my husband’s coworker his bathroom was flooded. I quickly mourned for my dignitiy and prayed for my husband as I realized he was enjoying his last few moments of ignorant bliss before becoming the man who was married the toilet plugging lady at work. Then, I opened the bathroom door.

The friend was of course a saint, so his elderly mother lived with him. For some reason, I felt that the woman-to-woman connection would be the way to go so I opted to ask her where the plunger was instead of my husband’s co-worker.

So, I asked “Ma’am, there’s an issue in the bathroom. Do you mind telling me where you’re plunger is?”

“What? Speak up!” she said in a volume loud enough to be heard over a heavy medal band

So I repeated myself a little louder.

“WHAT? PLEASE SPEAK UP!”

One more time I asked, and was just about to give up when it finally connected…

“WHAT? YOU PLUGGED THE TOILET? DAVE WHERE IS THE PLUNGER?”

So Dave (my hubby’s co-worker) heard his mother yell this across the house as well with my husband who stood their, jaw to the ground.

Dave graciously went to go get his plunger….FROM THE GARAGE….where he needed a few minutes to look for it (Is this real life? Who doesnt need a plunger enough to put it in storage?).

Once I was able to reclaim sanity with the toilet, I loaded the dirty towels into their washer (there is nothing more awkward then trying to make small talk while filling their washer with your poo towels)..and then we went home…in silence….probably from shock.

So you asked, and I delivered. Arent you glad you asked…:)

Celebrity crush?
Mmmm…Idris Elba

If you could change one thing about the world, what would you change?
That news is funded by ratings. I think media is important for keeping people in power transparent, sharing information and creating a sense of community…but when ratings push fear-based stories or slightly amplified wording to increase shock value, I think that becomes EXTREMELY dangerous. I think it creates a lopsided sense of doom and an unbalanced sense of fear which can create a new level of ignorance, bigitry, hatefullness and bitterness if left unchecked. It can bring out the worse in people, but its done to save jobs and make money. So, I wish I could change that.

If you could spend a day as someone else, whom would you chose(and why)?
Well, Jesus. That would be really helpful. But also J.K. Rowling…she is my author super hero. And maybe Steven King, I love how he talks about the craft of writing.

Do you believe in aliens? Why?
Well…I think there is just too much space out there for us to be the only ones, so yes.

The happiest moment in your life?
The birth of my daughter, followed by my wedding day and the birth of my niece.

If you could watch only one movie for the rest of your lives, which movie would you pick?
Pride and Prejudice (the 2004 one)

Current obsession?
I love listening to Iyanla Vanzant and TD Jakes right now.

One fact about you which others may find surprising? I didnt get my first cavity until age 29. Woohoo oral hygiene!

Why did you start blogging? I started blogging because to me its liberating and freeing too allow yourself creative freedom and blogging does that for me. Also, it gives me a venue to talk about things Im very passionate about. Its empowering to think that perhaps some of my words will be inspiring or connecting with others and perhaps together we can create a more positive world for the next generation. My little girl deserves it and so does every other child out there.

If you do respond, please leave a link below. I’d love to hear your responses!

Here are my nominations:
truelyunpluggeddotcom
alongsidetheroad.wordpress.com
searchingforfai.wordpress.com                                               natalieschriefer.wordpress.com                                                                    warriorinyogapants.com                                                                          itsdollydarling.wordpress.com                                                                                           debooWORKS                                                                                                              dharmainheels.com                                                                                       alisonleechap.wordpress.com                                                     jenniferkbowman.wordpress.com                                                                                       prosophos.com

Questions:

 

What is something you are proud of yourself for?
What is something you wish everyone knew about you before they categorized you?
Greatest act of kindness you have recieved?
Greatest act of kindness you have given?
What is something you know, without a doubt, to be true?
Do you believe in miracles? Why/why not?
What scares you?
What motivates you?
What is the greatest life lesson you have learned?
What is the greatest piece of advice you’ve ever recieved?
What is the greatest piece of advice you’ve ever given

My Dream Is A Tigress

My dream is a Tigress

Though at first only a sound

A muted roar that rumbles

in her throat deep down

Her presence made known

by the hair on my neck

She hasn’t seen me

At least not yet

Fear rumbles through me

and tells me to hide

The bush that recieves me

Now our only divide

She snorts and shakes

My eyes behold of her might

Her breath seeths from within

and then clouds in the night

Theres a churning inside me

someting foreign and strange

My destiny is beckoning

Its time for a change

I bare my teeth

and clench my fists tight

I must claim what is mine

I accept the fight

I step out in the clear

My chest puffed and erect

The Tigress then turns

and licks her lips wet

I crouch and she coils

Her fangs shown in the night

We circle and it begins

The wind calls forth our plight

Her eyes boil with rebellion

She is unclaimed and un kempt

She lunges forward and hits me

My eyes fall blind but my vision’s set

She turns to run

but by the tail she is snagged

She roars in the night

across my cheek her nails dragged

My head is spinning

Blood flows to my chest

But through the pain I’m grinning

“You haven’t killed me yet!”

I jump, nothing barring

Through her coat my fingers slide

On her neck I grip with conviction

I let go of and beam with pride

My momentum pulls me above her

My legs dig deep in her sides

She roars out calling the thunder

I laugh ‘cus I have lightening inside

With a kick she jumps then plunge forward

She is a frantic and wild delight

My head back as I summon the wonder

I howl out and my cry fills the night

She is mine and is claimed by no other

My courage unconquered by fright

My dream now bows to my keeping

Two feral souls now riding as one

My destiny, my soul is now seeking

My Tigress, we’ve just begun

Who am I letting raise my daughter?

This morning the mirror reminded me that my reflection is changing. My face is fuller. My brow now traced with lines growing deep. And with it, the face of a little girl falling further and further away.

My mirror has forced my introduction to time. The awareness that there is a clock ticking somewhere, and that aging will not pass me over.

Such a raw truth to be reminded of, that this collection of moments we live in are so fragile and flutter so quickly into vapor. That nothing that truly matters is tangible and everything that matters is temporary in this life we live.

Yet the legacy of time is our memories. Experiences frozen, refusing to age with us. They leave lasting joys and hurts, emotional scars and lessons.

What memories have I chosen to hold on to? I wonder. And why? How have they shaped me and molded the lens of which I see the world today? What thoughts, words, behaviors do I hold on to now that form the memories yet to come?

And then it hit me, the memories that my daughter will hold in her heart, her mind, her soul, have yet to be written. And one thing time has given me is the opportunity to discipline myself, so when those frozen moments latch on to her that involve her mama, they will be of a woman prepared to leave lasting lessons in her soul.

Who will I let parent my child? What parts of myself will I choose to nourish and give strength to that will, in result, work as a guide for my little girl?

So I take a breath. I have to breathe before lifting that weight on my shoulders. What a big task that will be. I have so many parts to myself, not all of them pretty. And parenting, much less, living life from my center, most inner peaceful self, all the time quite frankly sounds exhausting.

How will I be centered when she’s running late for school after I’ve told her ten times that we are leaving in five minutes? How do I remain calm when she screams “I hate you!” and slams the door for the first time after a punishment? How do I stay at peace when I watch her heading towards heartbreak and am helpless to stop it?

How do I model peace when really I have anger? How do I model wisdom when really I feel lost? Where do I turn to for strength to be her rock, when all I feel is weak?

Though I feel so far, too far, from the answers to those questions, perhaps there is truth in the the act towards obtaining them. All I can do, is practice.

And man, how lucky are we that the world is currently giving us so many opportunities to practice. Modeling peace, when terrorism evokes fear. Striving for wisdom during times of grief as more children, fathers and mothers die from senseless acts of hate. Acting out kindness in the face of meaness.

This is not a small task I ask of myself. But, I am now a parent, I must set the bar higher.

So I remind myself, who will I let raise my child? And because I am human, I must recommit myself every day to nourishing my inner, greatest good. Because the truth is the hurts we see today, the injustices that riddle the news and our generation, are on the backs of fleeting moments. They too will pass. Yet how we respond to them before the eyes of our children, will last forever.

Raising A Galaxy

Though she’s been here for 6 months, I am still dizzy from the storm she brought into my life. The centrifugal force of becoming a mother was so great, it was as if the hand of God ripped me from my old life and dropped me in my new one. This, I swear, is not me being melodramatic. The irony is, I felt prepared for the full on life collision approaching. I dreamt of it. I saw it getting close. I watched my belly grow and felt her getting stronger inside of me. I became so excited I began to wish away time. And then came the hit.

Now I want to take a moment to breathe here because this is not meant to sound like a doomsday message. I’ve learned the earth must break before the flower can bloom. Really, what I am writing is the story of my awakening. You see, I was happy with my life before, but I wanted more. I lived sort of in a box, and I wanted to get going with the living part of life. What I thought I wanted was a baby, and I was right, but not in the way I originally thought.

You see, everything…I repeat…EVERYTHING changed when I became a mom. I surrendered everything to this child; my body, my sleep, (I heard a rumor once that newborns sleep alot. I believe these to be mythical creatures), my ability to poop and pee on my own, my marriage (it was hard to find my husband throughout the blur of the storm though he was there, my patient rock) my “freedom”, my sleep (did I mention that already?), my sanity and also my career. My career that I had worked so many years on was now something I was actively choosing to put on hold. It was my conscious decision. I wanted to be home, which is why the grief of professional self caught me so off guard. I mourned my inner liberated, equal rights, burn the bra diva and was now very well acquainted with my hot mess, emotional wreck mom self that seemed so eager to strip away whatever shred of dignity I had left.

I was left breathless and painfully aware that my previous life was shattered. And in the center of my brokenness, this beautiful child. My beautiful child. Our beautiful child.

I had given birth to her, yet here was my rebirth. She was my new compass, my guide for the next chapter of my life.  My connection to her is rooted in such a deep love that she has now penetrated my core identity. My love was bigger than my heart would allow, and so under pressure it grew.

And as I sat there reflecting on in the pile of pieces that was my former life, I took inventory of what was left standing.

My faith. It stood so firm while I felt so weak. My relationship with God was raw and exposed because becoming a mother stripped away my illusion that I was in control. She (God felt feminine to me during this time) was with me at 3 am in the morning as my hand was covered with poo, my breasts squirting milk all over my crying child while my face curled up in an ugly cry cursing the sleepless night. She was with me during the lonely hours.

The desire to do something greater than myself through service of others still stood without waiver. I’m not sure what, how or who, but becoming a mother has shown me that I must.

My family and a close friends. They have taught me time and time again that you can go higher than you ever expected when you just let someone else lift you up.

And finally writing. Auh yes (sigh)…writing. It suprised me that inside words still ached to be written. Writing helps me sort out the layers in my life. It is like a first responder to my soul after a major life changing strom. Writing gives me the words to describe what changes occur inside of me so that I may then follow with action.

And so you may be thinking, “Got it, you had an awakening. So what?” And if so, excellent point and thank you for bringing me to my next thought.

So I’ve had this awakening. Now, my eyes are open. And here is the harsh reality I see. Now that I’m a parent, I have to prepare for the fact that my daughter is going to live in a world moving so fast that it’s stuck.  A world that has become so hard of hearing that it has lost the value of one’s voice. A broken message stating that worth comes from the superficial and that fear seperates us from them. These are the messages that will fall upon my little girls ears, and if I’m not careful, they’ll stick.

I no longer have the luxary of waiting for politicians or leaders with a microphone to get it right, because my little girl is here now. In order to prepare herself for a world where mass shootings, terrorism, cyber bullying, political tantrums and other forms of fear based hate are becoming the norm, I believe I have to emmerse my child in compassionate acts during her developmental years. I must help her find where she can truly fill her cup.

While her brain is absorbing her surroundings, I need to introduce her to families, religions, beliefs, and thoughts that are different then ours so that she learns how to look for true commonality. I need to love myself and express it outwardly so that she learns that true beauty is more than the curves that fill our clothes. I need to let her fail, so that she can learn how to get up from the fall without blaming others for the push. I need to show her how to listen, so that she may find her voice. I need to teach her the line between serving others and being taken advantage of so that she learns not to give what she cannot afford to lose.

God has given her a light strong enough to cast out the shadows in her life. While she is learning who she is, I must teach her that her light grows brighter when she recognizes the shine in others as well. I need to teach her that she is a star. And that some stars guide others like the North Star. Some are meant to be on stage such as the Sun. Some work together and form beautiful constellations. Some must move and shoot across the night. Yet as she prepares to take her place in the sky, she needs to know that though her role may be different than the stars around her, we are all connected. Because our true magnificence comes from the realization that we all make up a gallaxy.

My eyes are open, and this my is journey of finding a way to not just raise my child, but to connect with others so that we may raise a gallaxy.